I wrote this twenty-four hours after hearing the news that my father had suffered a fatal heart attack in his sleep…8 days before his Fiftieth birthday. This goes out to all the fatherless daughters on Father’s Day…
There once lived a boy with hair the color of autumn leaves and eyes that could look through even the deepest of souls. He was a good boy but knew where to find trouble if the need arose. He was a dreamer of dreams and lover of all living things. A child amongst 6 others, he learned to stand out from the crowd, never accepting anything less than the lime-light.
At a tender age this little boy quickly became a man and even a father. Always determined to find his place in this world his dreams lead the way, his optimistic outlook never allowing him to become discouraged by the fear of failure. His belief in fate and the power of goodwill carried him through a life of unending spirit, fearlessness and spontaneity. Living every day as if it were his last, he was as strong as the name his mother gave him. Some knew him as brother, son, friend, cousin or companion, I knew is as father.
James was a man like no other. I was the little girl who knew her father could do anything, fix anything and mend all wounds. He was my parent, my teacher and at time, even my friend. He taught me to trust that the world knew what was mine and to take it when it presented itself, to forgive those who did not support my dreams and to embrace the future and its endless possibilities. There was no such thing as “I can’t” and high expectations would only lead to disappointment.
As I grew older I realized that he couldn’t fix all things, he couldn’t solve every problem for he was just a man, human and weak when the time deserved. It was then that I saw the true being that he was. The purest of souls, one of the most beautiful people I will ever live to know. I watched him face death and laughed in its ugly face. He said, “catch me if you can but I’ll continue to enjoy the view while I’m here”.
His fearlessness, even while facing the last of his days, will both encourage and haunt me for the rest of my life. In those final moments he still fought tooth and nail for his dreams – only now realizing that all along the dream was just to live. Even knowing today quite possibly was his last he still woke with a smile of optimism and sang a song of sweet tomorrows.
It was during these times that I knew I did indeed have the strongest dad in the world.
Daddy – if you can hear me. I want you to know that I am so grateful for every moment we had together. I will cherish for eternity every phone call, every joke you told, every tear you wiped, every bit of advice you gave and even every disagreement we shared; for we shared them together. My devastation from your loss with follow me to my own demise at which time I will be comforted in the hope that you are there waiting to once again take my hand. God keep you safe, I love you with all of my broken heart.
Happy Father’s Day “James R Kowboy“…until we meet again.